If Only I Believed in Soul Mates
by orangekae11
Summary: Simon willingly shared how he felt when he trusted you. He lavished you with praise and affection, and made everyone feel like they were worthy to be heard and known. But that was just Simon. Mysterious, ethereal, compassionate Simon. People can't help but be in awe of his beauty, his unapologetic appearance.


**If Only I Believed in Soul Mates**

Jem had been attending counselling specialized for her PTSD for four months now. There was a significant difference, and I was happy to see my little sister radiate her child-like sunshine that once permeated our household years ago. She was happy, and more importantly, _healthy_. There was still a lot to accomplish in her counselling, but improvement was being seen, and that's when I knew it was okay for me to move in with Simon.

I didn't like the idea of Simon being alone in Amy's bungalow all alone. I figured with me being there it would be more unlikely for him to get trapped in his own mind. It was time I offered Simon the attention he now deserved.

With promises of visiting my family, I packed the essentials: clothes, art supplies, and some other valuables that I felt I couldn't go without.

Simon had been over at my house quite often over the last couple of months since Amy's death. My family liked him, and he got along well enough with them. Simon even had a fondness toward Jem, especially when I shared with him that she had PTSD from the war. He softened toward her considerably and would often ask her how she was doing.

Mom and dad were more relaxed around Simon and I in our…natural state. I didn't put the mousse or contacts on anymore. My eyes felt better now that I didn't try to hide behind my artificial mask. Simon helped with that. He was bent on complimenting me, and it was always a surprise to hear. The awe and wonder in his voice frightened me because I wasn't use to such a reaction. Rick was gruff and didn't know how to show his emotions. Simon willingly shared how he felt when he trusted you. He lavished you with praise and affection, and made everyone feel like they were worthy to be heard and known. But that was just _Simon_.

Mysterious, ethereal, compassionate Simon.

People can't help but be in awe of his beauty, his unapologetic appearance. I felt privileged enough to see behind the mask of perfect composure. He had betrayed the Undead Prophet, and the ULA. He was rejected from the only ones who cared for him and made him feel safe and welcomed. Without that familial tie, I knew Simon felt more lonely than usual. In the ULA, he belonged, he had a purpose. Without that, he didn't know what to do with himself. I encouraged him to find a job, but he said he had plenty of savings to live comfortably for a long while. I didn't want to ask about that new detail.

While I filled my days working at the pub, Simon stayed at the bungalow doing whatever it was he did to fill the time before we would meet up.

Now there wouldn't be any need to make plans to meet up. I could come and go as I pleased. I could stay the night, every night. Family obligations would no longer be a thorn in my side.

With that in mind, I made the walk to the bungalow in a couple of minutes and knocked on the door. Simon opened it, his lips turning up into a small smile when he saw me.

"Kieren." He looked at my packed bags, and I could see a crease of worry in his forehead, "Alright?"

I nodded, "'Course I'm alright. I'm taking you up on your offer and moving in with you."

The wrinkle of worry disappeared, and his smile grew just a bit, "Really?"

"Really. Now will you let me in, or what?" I asked.

Simon smiled and moved out of the way and let me pass.

"You didn't bring a lot," Simon noted.

"I don't need a lot," I replied, placing my suitcase against the hallway wall. As expected, Simon crowded me against the wall. His hand was placed on the wall beside my head as he leaned in. His other hand drifted to my hip.

"I missed you," Simon murmured to me.

I placed my hands on his waist, "You saw me yesterday." I point out with a small laugh.

"With your family. I had to share," he grumbled to me.

I couldn't help but roll my eyes, "Yes, well, I guess you won't have to for a bit."

My angelic looking lover leaned in and kissed my forehead, "I missed you, Kieren."

I looked up at him and frowned, something was bothering him. "What's wrong? Did something happen?"

"No, nothing happened," Simon answered, his lips brushing against my temple in a soft kiss before looking down.

His pinpricked eyes could never hide his demons if one knew what to look for. "You've been having nightmares again."

Simon turned away, while simultaneously putting distance between us. It was his defense mechanism, and I had yet to figure out why it bothered him so much that I knew about them. The distance between us was suffocating, even though I had no reason to pump oxygen into my lungs.

Even though it was mid-morning, I knew that Simon hadn't been sleeping well if his nightmares were returning once again. His lack of sleep made him anxious and he could easily slip back into his depression if there was no one to pull him out of the dark recesses of his brain.

In the last couple of months I've been able to be more comfortable with showing Simon affection in front of my family, and when we were alone, it was second nature to me.

I took his hand, "Come on then." I said, making the short way to Simon's room. The bed hadn't been made. I closed the bedroom door behind us. In the intimacy of his room, I could see him visibly relax. I placed my hands on his cheeks before leaning in kissing his lips gently. I pulled away and smiled, "Tell me about them."

A shuddered breath escaped Simon more out of reflex then out of need. "It's my mother again. Although I don't know how or when it happened, I can hear her screams and I come up with different scenarios of all the possible ways that I killed her. Her screams haunt me, Kieren."

As he spoke, I gently unbuttoned Simon's plaid flannel to reveal a white t-shirt underneath the thick material. I slipped it off of his shoulders and arms, tossing it toward the dresser. My hands are on his clothed chest, "I know, the nightmares are terrifying and they haunt us because we would never hurt anyone if we were in the right state of mind. To think we're capable of doing so is terrifying, and when we've hurt someone we loved…it's unbearable. I am so sorry about what happened in your rabid state, but it wasn't your fault. Do you understand me?"

Simon's hands were gripping my wrists as varying emotions flickered over his face like changing channels on a tele. "Yes," he croaked back in response, his voice raw with thick emotion.

"Good, I don't have a shift today, why don't we go lie down for a bit, okay?" I offer, my thumbs moving to and fro over his covered chest.

"Yes, alright," he agreed.

I pulled off my own coat and jumper. I untied my boots and pulled them off as Simon resituated the blankets. Although unneeded, it was familiar to have them. Simon was sitting up and had the sheets pulled to his waist. I moved onto the bed, and on my hands and knees crawled over to him. I positioned myself in his lap, facing him.

"You're amazing, okay?" I murmur to him quietly. He smiles, and before he can say anything to prove that he's not, I kiss him. Slow and deep, begging to feel the friction and tingling sensation in my undead state. Simon was always able to drag those feelings out of me, and it was the most incredible high I'd ever experience.

Simon's hand was holding the back of my neck as mine were clutching on to his shoulders. Flickers of feeling were being recognized by my dulled nerve receptors as the kiss deepened and intensified. But Simon pulled away before I could reach my high. I looked at him concerned, "Simon?"

"Please don't leave me, Kieren."

I stared at him before pressing a gentle kiss to his cheek, "I could never, not after all we've been through together. I'm afraid you're stuck with me."

"I'm glad," he said.

I slipped off of his lap and crawled under the blankets, "Come here."

He laid down, resting his head in the crook of his arm as he looked at me. I shifted to rest my head on his chest and draped my arm over his stomach. "Try and sleep, I'll be here if you need me."

I felt a soft peck on top of my head and smiled.

I closed my eyes hoping to drift off to sleep in my relaxed and content state.

It wasn't long before I head Simon murmur "I love you."

"I love you, too," I whisper.

And that was all that needed to be said for the two of us to fall into a restful, nightmare-free sleep. Together, we were better. Because we understood the horrors of what our rabid state could do, and because not a lot of people could understand the want to die and being gifted to have a second chance at life. Forever.

We did though, and that's why we found comfort with each other.


End file.
